James Bond 007: Bloodstone should have been called James Bond in the Uncanny Valley. For the uninitiated, the "uncanny valley" is a theory that when an animation or robot is "almost, but not quite human" it causes a feeling of revulsion. Everything here approaches the "real Bond" of the movies, but falls short, leaving us with a zombified experience, devoid of passion, oddly off-base, disorienting.
The game (provided to us by the manufacturer) starts out very true to the Bond mold: the signature prologue action sequence followed by a big musical theme song filled with sillouettes of beautiful women, diamonds, and weapons. Consistent with the "Daniel Craig" Bond films, you're not going to hear the Bond musical theme until the end of the game. You're not going to have many gadgets to play with either. Instead the game has lots of shooting, some melee, and plenty of hugging walls for cover. In fact it feels very generic, very mediocre.
Part of the problem with the game is that it hones to the present "next-gen" Bond, while many of us still long for the Bond of Connery or even Moore. The one's with the trademarked music, gadgets, and wit. In short, this ain't your father's Bond.
Although this is a Daniel Craig as Bond experience, lots of details harken back to earlier Bonds. Roger Moore's bad puns and one liners seem out of place when uttered by Craig. Likewise, Dame Judi Dench reprising her role of M, seems to have had a personality shift. In the movies she is constantly warning James over excessive violence. Here she seems to relish in it, wielding him like a weapon.
But, it is the facial animations that really are the most off-putting. What is going on with M's face? It looks like a Zombie got a bad face lift. Bond's face is no better. A rigid mask that betrays no emotion. Lip syncing. We don't need no stinking syncing.
Remember that stupid gadget one of the Bond's got that allowed him to drive a car by remote control? That's nothing compared to the banality of the super mobile phone that Bond uses as an omniscient eye. I actually think there was a Barbie spy video game a few years ago that used a similar gadget. C'mon. This is a video game. You can come up with any gadget you want and animate it, and the best you can come up with (even with the inspiration of Bond's cars, jetpacks, underwater gear, and exploding briefcases is a cell phone that does all the tricks from every other hi-tech shooter video game from the past five years?
Multiplayer action is limited and an afterthought, the game plays in well under ten hours, the villians are little more than targets.
You know what would make a great spy inspired video game? Inspector Gadget! Perhaps freed from the shackles of the Bond legacy gamemakers could make an inspired, creative spy game.
